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Raging Heart March 26, 2016

Hi all 🙂

I had a suuuuper long post written to post for someone but I realised that perhaps it was a bit too personal to post online, so I’m going to analyse song lyrics instead.

This one is Raging Heart (a.k.a. My Heart is Cursing or 가슴이 욕해) by Kim Dong Wook, from the Korean series You’re Beautiful (which I’ve recently rewatched for the 5th time… ^^’)

Lyrics were taken from http://lulutnilot.blogspot.co.uk/ – I take no credit for the translation and do check them out 🙂

I always seem to find lyrics that I can relate to – it’s a really good feeling because you suddenly feel a connection with the singer, almost as if you’re not alone when you say you like someone. This song would always play during sad, intense moments in the drama, and at the beginning it would always make me cry. I’d never seen the lyrics translated till now so it was amazing to see how relatable they were.


“Smile more often, so that with your happy smile I can calm my heart from constantly looking at you.”

Sometimes, I glance at you. Those glances often turn into stares. Your smile is different to everyone elses – not because you have a different mouth but because it means more to me.

“Smile more often, so that the world will be jealous of you. Then my heart, which is constantly calling you, wouldn’t turn greedy anymore.”

I’m already jealous when you’re with others, so perhaps smiling more isn’t the solution… but my heart does call for you. It’s greedy for sure. It’s been calling you for more than a year now – I wonder when you’ll hear?

“My heart is cursing because it can’t say ‘I love you’. Tears burst and my yearning is flowing and flowing… the sad words that are stuck in my throat like a thorn are roaming around my ear all day.”

I’m really scared of rejection. Even if you ignore the fact that I like you, my intentions are always to please and to be appreciated – however obnoxious or narcissistic it may sound. I don’t tend to cry because of you, because you bring more happiness than sadness. I don’t tend to cry much anyway – it’s only when I watch films/dramas or someone shouts at me that tears begin to prick at my eyes. The sad words stuck in my throat really are like thorns… they hurt.

“Why does it have to be you? Why did I end up loving you? Even if I am shaking my head, even if I try to deny it, now I can’t let go of you.”

Yeah – why does it have to be you? Why not someone else? I know why I ended up liking you, because due to certain circumstances we ended up in places closer than I ever would’ve imagined. If you asked me whether I loved you or not, I would probably say no. Cause I’m like that.

“I love you, I love you forever… even if you aren’t looking at me.”

Sometimes I do feel that you’re looking at me. But that being said, I am overly delusional and do enjoy a good bit of fantasising (no r-rated stuff don’t worry), so I could be biased…

“You wouldn’t know even if I called you thousands of times. You wouldn’t know even if I wait at the same place. Like a fool I just look at you, this foolish love. You don’t know, no matter how much I call you.”

That’s very true. You only see me as a friend and there’s no reason for you to see otherwise – I don’t make it terribly obvious that I like you, at least I think I don’t… I’m a fool, for continuing this for so long despite the pain. Well you know what? I came to the conclusion long ago that the pain I got from being near you was more bearable than the pain being without you – and even though it might hurt, the happiness outweighs it by much more.


In conclusion… well I don’t know really. There isn’t a conclusion to this because there isn’t an end. I can temporarily stop liking you but we all know that in years to come, you’ll still be the person I remember as sweet, funny, pretty, loveable, clever and so much more… This was more of a ‘write down your thoughts’ post. If you have anything to say in response, I’d love to hear your thoughts too 🙂


Song of the Post ~ You Are My Spring by Sung Sikyung (Secret Garden OST)


Happy New Year! January 5, 2016

Filed under: Thoughts — wisdomstar123 @ 1:10 pm
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Hey there!

So, 2016 is upon us already, huh? Entering the 16th year of my life feels kinda normal but at the same time really strange. As a kid, I always thought 16 year olds were really big and old, and now that I’m approaching 16 I still feel so young, inexperienced, but very willing to see what the world has in store for me.

I read in a magazine recently this very quote:

I don’t believe in anything, but I’m open to everything.

(Well, something along those lines anyway.)

It’s very relatable for me, because I don’t believe in ghosts but if I saw them, I’d obviously believe it. At the same time I believe in a lot of fantastical things that can never actually come true, like my OTP for example.

But belief is a very strong feeling and if you have it, it’s so valuable. It’s like willpower, almost. And I want to start 2016 with belief that I can make this year good, better than any other year, and a contrast to 2015 (probably my crappiest year with a few exceptions). Time is ticking and I’m eager not to waste it, despite my numerous failed attempts that resulted in scrolling mindlessly through Facebook or writing 14000 words of a story in 4 days.

With exams fast approaching, belief is even more important, because although we might be able to revise efficiently and effectively, if it comes to the day and we have no motivation, obviously you’re not going to perform to the best of your ability. I usually have an enormous amount of motivation and drive stored away in a dark chamber at the back of my brain, and I know how important it is to keep it there, slowly simmering and releasing bursts of motivation every now and again.

Some people see belief as having a religion; believing that a supernatural force is up there to aid you when you need help, punish you when you’ve done wrong, and reward you when you do something good. I personally have no specific religion but I do believe there is some unknown force that determines our fate. I believe we do everything for a reason, and no one was born for nothing. I believe that we weren’t born with a straight path in mind, but rather a discovering of what we can do and a wiggly path with many choices, that leads to another path.

Okay now let me drag you out the deep end; back to shallow water. I hope you all have a great 2016 – resolutions suck in my opinion but you can probably set yourself some achievable goals – and remember to keep believing in whatever it is you want to, as long as it isn’t detrimentally negative.



Song of the Post ~ Follow You by Bring Me The Horizon (it’s totally irrelevant to the post but I love it)


Do I ever want anyone to love me back? April 15, 2015

Filed under: Thoughts — wisdomstar123 @ 10:14 pm
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A late night thought that I felt I had to write about.

How odd of me to be posting twice in a month! Haha, well I didn’t really plan this post out, I’m just typing whilst thinking. Typical me.

So the big question is if I ever want anyone to love me back. I’ve had several unrequited relationships in the past couple of years and although having a one-sided love can really bring you down emotionally, I actually don’t mind having them. They distract me from other things, and I have something that makes me really happy. Even if it’s only temporary…!

Like when they talk to you, or when they smile. It gives you that warming feeling of happiness.

And yet I begin to think, do I ever want them to love me back?

Because I can’t see us walking around, holding hands. I can’t see us together on a date. I can only picture me watching from the side, and I quote from ATL’s song, ‘I’ll keep you a daydream away, just watch from a safe place, so I never have to lose’. Maybe that’s what scares me, the feeling of losing that smile they give you when you say something funny, or the giggling fits you have together, the silly inside jokes, the precious time you spend in each other’s company.

Maybe the only way to have a relationship with them is to be friends.

Maybe they don’t want more.

And if they don’t want more, then I suppose, I don’t either. But how will I know that, unless I ask them? And what if I ask and they completely lose their respect for you? What if they ignore you, blank you, never ever speak to you again? On the other hand, they could love you back. (as if that’s ever gonna happen in my case – but you know, a girl can hope.)

Maybe I’m used to loving someone out of reach – I’m in love with endless lists of anime characters, actors and band members who I’m never gonna meet. Maybe that’s helped to deal with the stress of loving one unrequitedly.

*sigh* well I guess that’s it! A spontaneous post for you.


Song of the Post ~ Carolyn by the Black Veil Brides