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Raging Heart March 26, 2016

Hi all 🙂

I had a suuuuper long post written to post for someone but I realised that perhaps it was a bit too personal to post online, so I’m going to analyse song lyrics instead.

This one is Raging Heart (a.k.a. My Heart is Cursing or 가슴이 욕해) by Kim Dong Wook, from the Korean series You’re Beautiful (which I’ve recently rewatched for the 5th time… ^^’)

Lyrics were taken from http://lulutnilot.blogspot.co.uk/ – I take no credit for the translation and do check them out 🙂

I always seem to find lyrics that I can relate to – it’s a really good feeling because you suddenly feel a connection with the singer, almost as if you’re not alone when you say you like someone. This song would always play during sad, intense moments in the drama, and at the beginning it would always make me cry. I’d never seen the lyrics translated till now so it was amazing to see how relatable they were.

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“Smile more often, so that with your happy smile I can calm my heart from constantly looking at you.”

Sometimes, I glance at you. Those glances often turn into stares. Your smile is different to everyone elses – not because you have a different mouth but because it means more to me.

“Smile more often, so that the world will be jealous of you. Then my heart, which is constantly calling you, wouldn’t turn greedy anymore.”

I’m already jealous when you’re with others, so perhaps smiling more isn’t the solution… but my heart does call for you. It’s greedy for sure. It’s been calling you for more than a year now – I wonder when you’ll hear?

“My heart is cursing because it can’t say ‘I love you’. Tears burst and my yearning is flowing and flowing… the sad words that are stuck in my throat like a thorn are roaming around my ear all day.”

I’m really scared of rejection. Even if you ignore the fact that I like you, my intentions are always to please and to be appreciated – however obnoxious or narcissistic it may sound. I don’t tend to cry because of you, because you bring more happiness than sadness. I don’t tend to cry much anyway – it’s only when I watch films/dramas or someone shouts at me that tears begin to prick at my eyes. The sad words stuck in my throat really are like thorns… they hurt.

“Why does it have to be you? Why did I end up loving you? Even if I am shaking my head, even if I try to deny it, now I can’t let go of you.”

Yeah – why does it have to be you? Why not someone else? I know why I ended up liking you, because due to certain circumstances we ended up in places closer than I ever would’ve imagined. If you asked me whether I loved you or not, I would probably say no. Cause I’m like that.

“I love you, I love you forever… even if you aren’t looking at me.”

Sometimes I do feel that you’re looking at me. But that being said, I am overly delusional and do enjoy a good bit of fantasising (no r-rated stuff don’t worry), so I could be biased…

“You wouldn’t know even if I called you thousands of times. You wouldn’t know even if I wait at the same place. Like a fool I just look at you, this foolish love. You don’t know, no matter how much I call you.”

That’s very true. You only see me as a friend and there’s no reason for you to see otherwise – I don’t make it terribly obvious that I like you, at least I think I don’t… I’m a fool, for continuing this for so long despite the pain. Well you know what? I came to the conclusion long ago that the pain I got from being near you was more bearable than the pain being without you – and even though it might hurt, the happiness outweighs it by much more.

~~~

In conclusion… well I don’t know really. There isn’t a conclusion to this because there isn’t an end. I can temporarily stop liking you but we all know that in years to come, you’ll still be the person I remember as sweet, funny, pretty, loveable, clever and so much more… This was more of a ‘write down your thoughts’ post. If you have anything to say in response, I’d love to hear your thoughts too 🙂

WISDOMSTAR123 – MAKING LIFE WISDOMY AND STARRY

Song of the Post ~ You Are My Spring by Sung Sikyung (Secret Garden OST)

 

Do I ever want anyone to love me back? April 15, 2015

Filed under: Thoughts — wisdomstar123 @ 10:14 pm
Tags: , ,

A late night thought that I felt I had to write about.

How odd of me to be posting twice in a month! Haha, well I didn’t really plan this post out, I’m just typing whilst thinking. Typical me.

So the big question is if I ever want anyone to love me back. I’ve had several unrequited relationships in the past couple of years and although having a one-sided love can really bring you down emotionally, I actually don’t mind having them. They distract me from other things, and I have something that makes me really happy. Even if it’s only temporary…!

Like when they talk to you, or when they smile. It gives you that warming feeling of happiness.

And yet I begin to think, do I ever want them to love me back?

Because I can’t see us walking around, holding hands. I can’t see us together on a date. I can only picture me watching from the side, and I quote from ATL’s song, ‘I’ll keep you a daydream away, just watch from a safe place, so I never have to lose’. Maybe that’s what scares me, the feeling of losing that smile they give you when you say something funny, or the giggling fits you have together, the silly inside jokes, the precious time you spend in each other’s company.

Maybe the only way to have a relationship with them is to be friends.

Maybe they don’t want more.

And if they don’t want more, then I suppose, I don’t either. But how will I know that, unless I ask them? And what if I ask and they completely lose their respect for you? What if they ignore you, blank you, never ever speak to you again? On the other hand, they could love you back. (as if that’s ever gonna happen in my case – but you know, a girl can hope.)

Maybe I’m used to loving someone out of reach – I’m in love with endless lists of anime characters, actors and band members who I’m never gonna meet. Maybe that’s helped to deal with the stress of loving one unrequitedly.

*sigh* well I guess that’s it! A spontaneous post for you.

WISDOMSTAR123 – MAKING LIFE WISDOMY AND STARRY

Song of the Post ~ Carolyn by the Black Veil Brides

 

Teach Me How to Love, Mr Baker December 2, 2012

Filed under: Reading/Books,Wattpad — wisdomstar123 @ 10:13 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Hey peeps! It’s been a while, hey? I’m down with a horribly runny nose 😦 but I’m definitely in the Christmas mood! 24 days ^_~
My main purpose of this post was to tell peeps about my new story which I will hopefully start writing in the new year. The title is ^ up there… And here’s a character picture with cast below!

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Gillian Zinzer as Emma Hughes
Robert Pattinson as Alex Carter
Jennifer Love Hewitt as Alice Hughes
Matt Lanter as Nathan Hughes
Alex Pettyfer as Ollie Carter
Catherine o’Hara as Emma’s mum
Matt Bomer as Alice’s husband
Want the plot???
Emma’s childhood friends Alex and Ollie move back in next door after leaving to England for 10 years. Alex is 5 years older than Emma, Ollie is the same age. Just as Emma begins to fall for Alex again, they start the new semester with Alex as her form tutor!!! But Ollie also likes Emma… And chaos sparks when he finds out she and his brother has been kissing whilst he’s sleeping!
Background info:
Emma: 16 years old, 161cm, blonde, hazel blue eyes, loves fire, karate, and summer. Her dad died shortly after a divorce whilst trying to protect her from a falling log.
Alex: 22, 180cm, light brunette, brown eyes, loves English, and poems. Emma used to cling to him a lot when he was still around. He moved to England when he was 12.
Ollie: 16, 172cm, dirty blonde, brown eyes, loves baseball, karate and geography. He heard that Emma started karate so he did too. He used to be quite wimpy, and moved to England when he was 7 with Alex.
Alice: 30, 165, blonde, hazel blue eyes, loves being a nurse, medicine, and helping people. Emma’s sister, 14 years apart. Married to James Grant and has a three year old daughter called Sylvia.
Nathan: 26, 176, light brown, light brown eyes, loves football, Man Utd, being a designer. Has a girlfriend called Millie, they are engaged.
Below: Emma and Nathan

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Thanks for reading, look forward to the story on Wattpad soon!
WISDOMSTAR123 – MAKING LIFE WISDOMY AND STARRY
Song of the Post – Kiss~Kaerimichi no Love Song by (??) (Lovely Complex ending 1)