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Do I ever want anyone to love me back? April 15, 2015

Filed under: Thoughts — wisdomstar123 @ 10:14 pm
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A late night thought that I felt I had to write about.

How odd of me to be posting twice in a month! Haha, well I didn’t really plan this post out, I’m just typing whilst thinking. Typical me.

So the big question is if I ever want anyone to love me back. I’ve had several unrequited relationships in the past couple of years and although having a one-sided love can really bring you down emotionally, I actually don’t mind having them. They distract me from other things, and I have something that makes me really happy. Even if it’s only temporary…!

Like when they talk to you, or when they smile. It gives you that warming feeling of happiness.

And yet I begin to think, do I ever want them to love me back?

Because I can’t see us walking around, holding hands. I can’t see us together on a date. I can only picture me watching from the side, and I quote from ATL’s song, ‘I’ll keep you a daydream away, just watch from a safe place, so I never have to lose’. Maybe that’s what scares me, the feeling of losing that smile they give you when you say something funny, or the giggling fits you have together, the silly inside jokes, the precious time you spend in each other’s company.

Maybe the only way to have a relationship with them is to be friends.

Maybe they don’t want more.

And if they don’t want more, then I suppose, I don’t either. But how will I know that, unless I ask them? And what if I ask and they completely lose their respect for you? What if they ignore you, blank you, never ever speak to you again? On the other hand, they could love you back. (as if that’s ever gonna happen in my case – but you know, a girl can hope.)

Maybe I’m used to loving someone out of reach – I’m in love with endless lists of anime characters, actors and band members who I’m never gonna meet. Maybe that’s helped to deal with the stress of loving one unrequitedly.

*sigh* well I guess that’s it! A spontaneous post for you.


Song of the Post ~ Carolyn by the Black Veil Brides